Innovation just goes round and round

It's strange, when you think about it, how innovations usually aren't really that innovative. Take, for example, the recent spate of green torches that use a handle-powered dynamo to charge a capacitor that's then used to light up LEDs. These torches are brilliant and we use them in Shopper's labs all of the time when we're working inside computers. They seemed like an incredible bit of innovation.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I was clearing out my late Grandfather's possessions and found an earlier example of a dynamo-powered torch. I'm not talking about the hand-powered models that were briefly popular in the early 80s, but something much older.

It turns out that the dynamo-powered torch I found was in fact invented by Philips (the consumer electronics company) in 1943 during World War 2. The reason it was invented is that the use of energy was severely restricted, so there was a need for self-powered electrical lights, such as this torch.

As you can see from the pictures, the design isn't so different from modern dynamo-powered torches. Instead of a handle to turn, though, there's a lever you push with your thumb to generate the electricity to light the bulb. There's no capacitor inside, either, so you need to keep pumping away to generate light. In the Netherlands the torch was apparently given the nickname knijpkat (squeezed cat), after the whirring noise it made when in use.

Incredibly, the torch I found still works, despite spending the best part of 60 years in a box; how many of this year's 'innovations' will do the same in 60 years' time?

Books For The Stupid

Are you stupid or something? Can't you even use a computer? Durr! That's what I used to see when looking at the covers of the first 'For Dummies' books when they were first published. They are so ubiquitous now, covering such a wide range of subjects, that the For Dummies titles have become less insulting and are almost reassuring. Or maybe we've just become used to being called idiots.

Wiley, the publisher, has recently raised its game. Some new Dummies books have arrived in the office that take the word 'patronising' to a new level. Just last week I received a copy of Macs For Seniors For Dummies. To me the title is basically saying that old people are super-thick. A regular For Dummies book isn't going to cut it. Oh no - we need to have a special, extra-simplified version for that sub-species known as the over-50s.

Not only that, but it's a book about using a Mac computer. This book is aimed at stupid, old people who can't even use a Mac, essentially. I'm not sure that these people exist and, if they do, I wonder how many will enjoy making the trip up to the payment counter with this book in hand.

Technical books, even those apparently aimed at the sub-normal, are always going to challenge the reader to a certain degree. Imagine what it would be like, when you get stuck on something, to remember that not only is the book designed for the daft but it's been written for the decrepit. I can't believe your self-esteem is going anywhere but down.

The question is, are we happy to buy books that call us dull? The success of the Dummies books shows that we are. So I'm wrong about the whole thing. Next stop: Amazon and Anger Management for Dummies.

Why I love Duke Nukem Forever!

Duke Nukem 3D was one of the most enjoyable first person shooter games of the mid 1990s. Although arguably not as ground breaking as Doom or Goldeneye, it had a lot going for it. Aside from its notoriously crude humour, it was blessed with some cleverly designed levels, from spaceships to adult entertainment stores, and lots of fun weapons such as pipe bombs, shrink rays and jet packs. Expansion packs were released, but what everyone really wanted was an official sequel from developer 3D Realms.

Fans’ wishes were granted when Duke Nukem Forever was announced in April 1997. After the release of some promising looking screenshots and demonstration footage, the game quickly entered development hell. 3D Realms made frequent changes in the technology behind the game which, along with disputes between the company and its publisher Take Two, severely delayed the game to the point where the game’s very name became a joke.

No-one was therefore surprised when just a few weeks ago, after 12 years of developing the game, 3D Realms announced that it would be closing down, or at the very least heavily downsizing, due to financial troubles. Duke Nukem Forever, still unfinished, will likely never see the light of day.

However, unlike other commentators, I have come to praise Duke Nukem Forever not to bury it. During the most difficult moments of my life, I have derived much solace from Duke Nukem Forever’s protracted development. Now matter how selfish my friends and family are, how corrupt and greedy our politicians and bankers have become or how fanatical the extremists who now wish to kill and maim us, I took heart from one thing. At least I wasn’t one of the muppets who had spent 12 years developing a video game with nothing to show for it.

According to the online list at duke.a-13.net, the following events and milestones have taken the same amount of time or less as the 12 years taken to develop Duke Nukem Forever:

• The construction of the Suez Canal
• The entire career of the Beatles
• The filming and release of all three Star Wars prequel movies and the Lord of the Rings trilogy
• The introduction of the European single currency
• The Second World War
• The ageing of this writer from a pimply faced, bright eyed, bushy tailed 18-year-old to a bitter, cynical, mildly hysterical 30 year old. Actually this one isn’t on there, but it should be.

So to paraphrase Monty Python, when things in life are getting you down, making you swear and curse, don’t grumble, have a cheery whistle! Because at least you’re not responsible for Duke Nukem Forever!

Alan Lu

Hanging on the telephone

Have you recently experienced an accident at work? We just wanted to let you know that we're in your area and would like to give you a free quote. Of course, you're not obliged to buy our double-glazing, fascias, soffits, a new drive or a great mobile phone deal. Now please provide some personal details for verification and our representative will be with you at your earliest convenience.

And so it goes - the 'telephone spam' known as cold-calling or telemarketing. Companies buy your details from other companies and then call you at the least opportune moments to sell you things you don't want. When I'm in the middle of a domestic argument, washing up the dishes or a bottle of gin (it is no coincidence that I've listed those particular items in that specific order), the last thing I need to hear about is new guttering. And yet somehow the sales drones have a knack of picking the worst time to call, which means it's time for action.

The sensible and mature approach to solving the problem of unsolicited phone calls is to register with the Telephone Preference Service (TCP). Its website will let you enter various details including whether your number is residential, belongs to a sole trader or applies to one of a number of other options culminating in 'PLC'. You then type in your phone number, postcode, choose your actual address from a list and lose the will to live. That's not entirely fair, but you do have to answer a fair few questions, including your main reason for registering. We'd choose "To stop unwanted telephone marketing calls." Well, that's the most appropriate option available. If there was one with fruitier language we'd pick that instead.

After all that, you should receive an email containing a link. Click it and your telephone spam hell ought to be over. It won't be, of course, but at least you can now complain about companies that bother you. You'd do so by registering a complaint on the TPS site.

Of course, this is the measured and mature approach that we'd expect every self-respecting Shopper reader to take. It would be wholly childish and debasing to goad the innocent call centre staff by pretending to be deaf, stupid or interested. You need time and energy to play practical jokes on the lovely people who have disturbed you from the one line-in you get each week. Or you need an easy-to-follow flow chart designed to do all the hard work for you.

Such a chart can be found here. The EGBG anti-telemarketing Counterscript is a tool that is similar to the charts used by telephone spammers.

It works something like this:

Sales drone (SD): Blah blah, in your area, free quote, blah blah blah.
You (reading from the chart): To whom am I speaking?
SD: Fred Bloggs
You: Could you spell your name for me?

The scripted conversation will continue for some time, as you plough further into your script to discover such gems as "how long have you been in the telemarketing business?", "How much do you earn?" and "Do you get time off for going to a dentist?"

The script even contains measures for when the caller fails to cooperate. For example, if they continue to ask questions you would respond with, "I can't provide this information because I need unprejudiced answers." If they want to know what happens to the answers you can say, "I can appreciate your hesitation Mr/Mrs..., however, this is an important piece of information used for verification purposes and I will handle it with strict confidentiality."

Finally, if they get upset you are advised to say, "Do you have a problem answering questions to a stranger on the telephone about which you don't know the purposes?"

Obviously you need the spare time and inclination to play with a script like this but in principle it's great fun. Go to the site, print yourself a copy and carry it with you at all times. And consider laminating it, because you're bound to be elbows-deep in washing up when the next call comes.

Windows 7: Are the error messages getting worse?

Windows has always had a history of delivering spectacularly unhelpful error messages and actions. In particular, there's the standard dialog box that gives the options Abort, Retry and Ignore. There's no clear indication as to which each option does: does Abort stop what you're doing and every job after it or just the current action? Does ignore, ignore the current error and move on? Practically, it makes little difference as to what the buttons are supposed to do, as when you get an error message with these three options that only thing that you can be sure of is that pressing either of them will just cause the same dialog box to appear again.

Then, there's my favourite error message of all time: "Unknown has caused an error in unknown". How does Windows even know it's an error, then?

You'd think that win Windows 7, Microsoft would have gone some way towards making error messages and actions easier to understand and control. Sadly, that doesn't appear to be the case, as we found out when we installed the recent Release Candidate.

From the start Internet Explorer 8 decided that it wasn't going to play nicely with websites, which is a shame, as the one thing that you'd want Internet Explorer to be good at is viewing websites. At repeated intervals it would pop up an error message that said: "Internet Explorer encountered a validation error" with the options to Ignore once, Ignore always and Do not ignore.

For starters, the error message doesn't make any sense. What exactly is a validation error? Does ignoring the problem make it go away? What the hell does Do not ignore do? Does it cause Internet Explorer to crash in a horrible way, or does it look for the cause of the problem and fix it? Sadly, none of the above. Press any button here and the same dialog box just pops up a bit later.

Fortunately, in this case we found two ways round this problem. First, you can install Firefox, which doesn't cause any kind of validation error. Secondly, if you do want to use Internet Explorer 8 you can turn off Data Execution Prevention (DEP).

This feature is designed to spot malicious code running from a part of memory that's designated as non-executable. However, in this case it appears to also want to stop Internet Explorer from viewing websites, which is slightly less useful. Turning off DEP for just Internet Explorer didn't fix our problem, so we turned it off globally.

To do this, get up a Command Prompt in Administrator mode and type bcdedit /set {current} nx AlwaysOff. If you want to turn it back on later type: bcdedit /set {current} nx AlwaysOn. Both changes require a reboot.

Upgrading the virus lab

Just over two years ago we put together our first purpose-built anti-virus testing lab. We're now upgrading it so that we can test more security products in less time - and expose them to more threats.

The new lab will be three times larger and will be relocated to its own secure basement lab space, with air conditioning and full-height rack-mounting facilities.

We've just received delivery of the desktop PCs (pictured) that will be used as target systems i.e. their future involves myriad virus infections and hacker attacks. The KVMs and a new server arrived a week ago so the next step is to start wiring it all up and test the network.

Using Windows 7

Over the next few months we’ll be sharing our experiences of Windows 7 with you. Several of us on the Shopper team have installed the RC (release candidate) of Microsoft’s forthcoming operating system, and we’ll be posting regular updates as we get to know the OS better.

I’ve just installed Windows 7 Ultimate on a Sony Vaio laptop, and was surprised how painless it was. I decided to format the hard disk rather than upgrade from Vista Home Premium, and see what Windows 7 was able to do with a blank canvas.
After booting from the DVD, I was greeted with a Vista-style installer and just had to choose my language. 20 minutes later I had a fully working laptop. Well, almost. Everything appeared to work except the Vaio's shortcut keys, so I couldn't adjust the screen brightness or volume. WiFi worked, though, so I was able to get online as soon as I’d chosen a wireless network and entered its password.

First impressions

I found it a little odd that the startup sound is the same as Vista's. I already knew that Windows 7 was similar to Vista, but I still wanted everything to feel new, and it doesn't help to have something so conspicuous borrowed from the old OS. The start button and menu are almost indistinguishable from Vista’s, but the application buttons on the task bar are now square icons. I particularly like the way thumbnails of each instance of that application pop up when you hover over an icon. This is especially handy when you have multiple Explorer tabs open. It's also nice that the full-screen window opens up when you hover over the thumbnails, but if you move the cursor off again, the window disappears. It's also fairly nifty that the application icons can show other information. Explorer is a good example again, as a green progress bar shows at a glance the status of a file download - there's no need to switch to the window any more.

I noticed a ‘Solve PC issues’ warning in the notification area for one problem: no antivirus. I clicked on ‘Find antivirus program online (important)’, and was taken to a Microsoft web page which let me choose from a variety of beta antivirus apps from Panda, AVG, Kaspersky and others. Unusually, AVG charges £25 for this, while Kaspersky and Panda offer their beta versions free. The other warnings were to run a Windows Defender scan and to set up a backup schedule.

Now those housekeeping tasks are done, I’m ready to explore Windows 7 in more depth. I’ll let you know in a week or so what I’ve discovered.